The Power of Active Listening – By Harsha Lohani
Ever felt a mind-numbing urge to speak next in a conversation without actually paying attention to what is being said? Ever been in a tiff with your loved ones because of a slight misunderstanding or misinterpretation of something the other has said? Well, this communication void exists globally and is a cause of many conflicts, wars, broken families destroyed relationships, and stress at workplaces. Active listening is an often overlooked figment of communication, without which any communication remains incomplete. While many of us have been brought up culturally, educationally, or socially to be good orators and speakers, we are not so good with our ears.
WHAT IS ACTIVE LISTENING?
Active listening is simply hearing what the other person has to say and being completely present in the moment during the communication. Although it should have been an inherent trait of humans, nowadays, it is more of an art that if performed with integrity can result in better understanding, trust, and a sense of belongingness between the speaker and the listener. All of us want to be heard and understood but only a few of us excels at the art of listening.
Listening costs nothing but helps in having meaningful conversations. It is a habit that is learned over time and doesn’t come naturally to most of us.
Everyone is talking but hardly listening these days, which creates a vacuum in a conversation where no one is heard in spite of the words being said. This creates a huge communication gap and the void is a cause of trending online conflicts and toxicity as well. Our offline social life also reflects a similar pattern. With the listening culture diluting in essence we have more rhetoric speakers than vigilant listeners.
7 TIPS FOR ACTIVE LISTENING
While it is not easy to get rid of noises and distractions in our heads and concentrate on what is being said, active listening is not a hard nut to crack. Here are some tested ways you can rely on to become an active listener.
1) FOCUS ON THE UNDERLYING EMOTION
Sometimes, we don’t want to listen, just because of our preconceived notions about the person. Reacting impulsively and forming a quick judgment isn’t a wise thing to do. Instead try to understand the perspective of the speaker, step in his shoes, and respond, instead of reacting.
2) ENGAGE MORE
While in a conversation, try minimizing using your phone, playing with your hair, moving your head, and all sorts of potent distractions. Your body postures and gestures play an important role in reflecting what level of interest you have in a conversation. You might be habitual of using your phone all the time but try not doing so while talking to someone who really needs your ear.
3) HAVE CLEAR MIND
Humans have a general tendency to have mental impressions of everyone. While this trait helps us get rid of suspicious and harmful events, the quality might end up making us armchair critics. This is when we wrongly assume that the person needs to be judged rather than be heard. Good listeners don’t molarise, rather they recognize our wavelength and react accordingly.
When someone reaches out to us, we want to be able to help them and support them. But it may happen that we shoot out a number of advice and suggestions which might not be the right way of addressing a talk. The person might need just a compassionate ear.
4) ASK OFTEN
Asking questions relevant to the topic like what, where, when, why, etc., adds to healthy engagement. This indicates our involvement and enthusiasm to continue the talk with high spirits.
5) SUMMARISE AND REFLECT
This is an often neglected part of effective communication. Repeating the speaker’s statement and reflecting upon it gives a better understanding of the topic to both the speaker and the listener. This shows the person that you are genuinely interested in talking and hearing them out. It helps people open up to you.
6) LISTEN TO LISTEN
It may feel awkward to play the role of being just a listener but some situations need it. While I don’t recommend taking on wrong allegations, accepting every other thing that might not be healthy, or facing your beloved’s wrath for that matter, but getting into an argument only heats up the ambiance, and then a truce is hard to declare. Listening to the person till the end makes the person calmer and ready to listen to us. It opens his or her mind to listen. While not every time this may work but it does for most of the cases.
7) NEVER INTERRUPT
Interruption is a famous way to tell someone that the conversation isn’t important. Many of us quite often end up unintentionally breaking off the conversation by cutting the other person short. If we find ourselves tempted to speak in between, we can best hold ourselves till the speaker finishes or asks for permission to speak.
An active listener communicates more effectively than an active speaker and is well-prepared to form meaningful connections in life.
